I found this wholly inappropriate and said as much. the other part of me knows that he will never accept the blame or even address it so I am not kidding myself. You feel threatened rather than safe when you are with this person or in this environment. I have no clue what to do with my time now. You want to be loved? My son is in the same school as this womans daughter and my husband has already been talking to this woman about the kids being step-siblings. Marriage abandonment can be the result of many factors, including: If youre wondering what to do when your husband or wife abandons you or your partner suddenly leaves, turning to family and friends for immediate support can be invaluable. I explained I couldnt make it and walked away. I pay for everything. My wife left me after 7.5 years. Now comes weekend #1, now I have been there every single day after work and done all the work so she could relax and she looks at me and says youre taking the girls for the weekend right? Well the next week she filed a pfa against me to leverage her getting the kids half time and support paying child support. I feel so hurt. I totally know what you mean. Youre not the one on Psych meds, youll be fine. First he started four days after our wedding to over communicate in the internet and made sure that I dont see what he does. Two days later I went and begged for another chance.she said yes and we spent what I thought was a day filled with renewed spirit, touching holding talking. After 27 years of marriage, four kids, two grands, my husband packed up. Once my divorce was finalized, I met someone else myself, however my x then began to use this new person of mine to hide her guilt. In fact her relationship with her husband is going the other way. In this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel. I was unable to get over a relationship Id had, for THIRTY years! I kept telling him she felt more than friendship. The intimate time with her husband was seldom and she wanted more out of life. Constantly points out my flaws and still shows no remorse at all for the horrific things she has done to our family. This is my 2nd failed marriage. god help me to get through this. She ignored my calls and texts between then. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. How to make your ex-boyfriend feel bad for hurting you, Why am I starting to think about my ex again? She would never abandon her children What is weird is that his girlfriend walked right beside him and participated in destroying another human through this whole process. Protect yourself. I know that whatever is meant to happen will and nothing will be too much for me too handle as Im not in this alone. My gf of 5 years left me bout a week ago we lived at her dads her dad decided to move out so she says shes going to live with her mom but i cant stay there with her so im homeless but a week ago i made her mad she left and didnt talk to me until today when she came to get her clothes. She was a successful model, creative director of her own clothing line, a television host, lecturer, and mother of a beautiful baby girl. Why are you so hurt and feel this way? And I cant get past feeling devastated, crying when Im alone after work until I go to bed. Im so tired, cant cry anymore..dont even have enough energy to be angry. Whatever, fine by me Ill gladly give up weekends for my kids. We have always had a strong relationship, but I lost my job and she was just about to start college, I got another job with the government and was doing that while she was in school, yes because of this situation we did get behind finiancally . You can move on and start enjoying life again with your kids know that you will. someone whos been through abuse or bullying, What to do when your husband or wife abandons you, speaking with a mental health professional, acsjournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1002/cncr.24577, proquest.com/openview/4bd906a16b2a72068a059378348fb0c1/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=41641, How to Let Go of Past Hurts: 8 Ways to Move On, Podcast: Resiliency, Passion, and Trauma Recovery, Podcast: Working Moms and Self-Care with Brooke Burke, Podcast: The Latest Research to Live Happily Ever After, Podcast: Is Media Reporting on Mental Illness Fair? ?Confused please help. We have a routine together. I never had empty nest for longer than 3 months and things were much better between my husband and I. I dont know how to handle this situation. I smile all the time, Im happy and content despite the mess my marriage is in. If one person leaves and isnt willing to work on it, thats one thing. Try to relinquish anger and resentment to create space for understanding and growth. The correct answer is not to say I dont want to be around someone miserable. If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important. If a man is wondering, looking, you can almost bet he is cheating. You wont even bother to try to communicate with him and find your self at peace not playing into his emotional abuse games. It sounds life a lot of work, but its not. I found out she already had a rental before she even told me. Its a partnership, a friendshipcouples give up way too easy. Words of advice Get an emotional tool belt, of things that will help you get better.. Like dressed hair nails etc for dances. . . Does he love her more then me? When my kids are with me im fine but when they leave to go home it takes me at least an hour to get my head straight. I slowly rebuilt myself through counseling for over a year, meditation (I used the Calm app every night). And they turned their back on me and their grand kids. Sorry for your heartache. Btw He also says they wont get by with their adultery! The number one rule of Christianity is forgiveness. Give your kids a Merry Christmas and an amazing role model for the new year. I used to make more money than him and since I got laid off he changed towards me. Hello! Try and stay strong, I know how it feels. Recently, my wife left me. I was devastated. Well me and my wife had problems and being in a job that moves me for months at a time doesnt help. Please open up and share so others can help you. When I asked about it he began to av suspicious so I attempted to go look. Dont let me suffer too long. My husband left me on 10-14-15, after 2years of being married says he found the person he had been looking for since he been in Florida, what I dont understand is why marry someone if you were looking for someone else??? Then quite quickly our arguments started becoming more fatal & terminal. How can we say such things to each other, and then she goes away with him? 4. We were happy, we valued each others company, we always went through any hardships together. Throughout this ordeal I have been understanding, not dramatic at all, calm and have not said much when he tries to engage me in a fight. Soon, I reverted back to what I was doing to prior to the attempt to get pleasure. Hi Robert! Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. Really sounds like he is the one that will be missing out, just find yourself again. Im thinking of not paying the bills next month and moving out while shes away. My grandmother raised 3 girls on her own as a widower at just 42. I believe in you, life is what we make it. She wouldnt let me see them anymore and everything got so much worse. I get $700 a month for 3 years and $25g from her 401k. Why do this horrific act?? My wife left me in Aug last fall. My husband of 10yrs left me, said he didnt live me anymore. Hopefully my therapy along with meds will help me survive this horrible time of my life. My wife is leaving me after 24 years and I was great to her and she even admitted it but got bored with me and started treating me terrible. By the time I left, I hardly knew who I was anymore. This is often the most painful reason for a leaving, but its also sometimes the easiest to accept. The feeling sorry for him part for being an emotionally broken person is really gone when you give me choices to betraying me and put my business at risk that I started four years ago. Look for ways you were critical or controlling. These tips may help you let go of the past, including someone who hurt you. We have a 5yr old a 2yr old and a 4 week old. Practice letting go. I dove back into the deep waters of the person that I had primarily lost, myself. My heart is broken beyond repair. Men can be relentless and because they do not think off of emotions like us, they tend to see ours as silly. She was my everything, my whole reason for being. Im still learning as I grow with Noah. So Im on my own, hence the online searching for advice. In shock I could barely breath I was on the floor shaking and he did nothing. They don't feel appreciated. An arm lengths away at all times when in the same room which is about 5-10% of the time, the rest she spends in her bathroom doing lord knows what. The aftermath, says Emma, was brutal. You deserve better . He had decided that this life, our life, wasnt for him. At this time he professed his love for me and wanted to work things out. He is not the problem; I am. Health not good. I just wish I had a reason. Everyone I know has been together for years and are still madly in love. Do you talk to her parents? I live by this rule. Be strong for yourself and for your kids. A few days prior she said she reflected and love me and wanted me but then he showed up. you. We're told in God's Word, " The eyes of man are never satisfied. How can I do it? But I have someone to thank for the life I currently have. Finally, I embraced it., I thought I was a goner and my story was coming to an end. All those things Ive overlooked for years are very obvious now. He is worried about more his material things than me or our marriage. My heart aches with yours. Within a month she snaps the axel and damages the side of her car at a gas station pillar that protects the pumps. Im married since 11 months my wife is very sensitive and warm hearted.. Not knowing how to express their feelings safely, they may, in turn, leave as a means of avoidance. I can not have sex with s man who lets his children disrespect me and think everything is alright. Jimminy Cricket, If youre 11 years older, are 50, and taking $700 a month and $25,000, no wonder shes dumping you. Its just unreal. Sociopaths goal is take a human being and destroy them down to the bottom of their soul. no good reason and that hes been thinking about it for a year! Every few weeks. I am beyond hurt. A year goes by with random visits whenever she felt like having a full on break which was always on the weekends when she could go out and party. If youve been through a lot of bad stuff with your husband, you might feel like you want to hold a grudge against him. Two months and I dont feel better. I have never felt so humiliated in all my life. My cousins came with wine and food almost every weekend after the break-up. I need some feed back on how to deal with this.Please help me.Give me some Ideas. Ive never heard or read this suggested, but according to my own experience and analysis of it, I think it may have merit. But I did it and discovered 2 empty bottles of butane. I guess she is doing just that. To make it all worse, I had no idea. Thanks. I just want to leave and not hurt him to bad. Im devastated. My wife is leaving me after 11 years of marriage. It stated a picture from FB showing a conversation between my husband and this girl he use to sleep with. My husbands sister just got served with divorce papers today Im not saying to use self-help books as a magic pill that will solve all your problems. She said she could do what ever she had to with her husband to keep the family together. It took me 27 years to realize I had married a narcissist . He apologized but, i know that he meant it. Loyalty, infidelity, honesty. The ability to do what they want and when they want. I kiss a picture of us as a family every night, kiss the wedding rings she left and wish on a star for us as a family. I moved away from my hometown with my son Met the man Im with now and my 7 year old loves him His real daddy recently passed away and so me and my fiance wanted a baby sister for us and him meanwhile he has 4 other kids that he told me the kids couldnt keep him at there house. And worst of all, my spirit is broken. But, it seems like that is when he is most truthful and that he is just waiting for our 13 year to grow up so that he can feel better about divorcing me. Rachel Im sure everyone on this site will concur that most partners who leave think about it for years before doing it. This other guys life probably seems fresh and new, problem free, sexually attentive and like a vacation from her life. So it wasnt long after that he became violent. It happened only once and was not discovered by anyone. But I will not allow someone to make an inaccurate statement about people with personal disorders. I am obsessed with telling his wife. With them for years but I lost everything I had and he didnt even wait at least to help me. (2018). After finally loosing respect for him I no longer feel the pain. I was with her for 95% of every treatment. I found out that my wife had been backstabbing me with everyone she was close to. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. But I enjoyed the article.simply great. He is ultimately holding you hostage to his lack of emotional control. Jesus did not ever condone abusive behavior but he also didnt give you a right to judge your partner in a mental or physical illiness. I wish I could meet one of these women in here going through all this pain and sweep them off their feet. I dont make much but still slightly more than my husband and have been helping n financing for all . They WOULD NOT like that at all. It is amazing how they completely changed. While these may be the reasons someone gives for leaving a relationship, these do not address the real reasons why someone normally leaves a relationship. She has a steady job and will not leave it. Just move through it, let your emotions flow freely, and dont let anyone make you feel like less of a person for feeling this way. Im so pissed now she plays it off again like its all me and the kids beg me to stay (someones gotta give them attention.. Thats to far below her 2hr bath time every night. Also, start shopping for insurance now. You deserve to be happy, bottom line. I realized I needed help, again, and I have since been doing that. I searched out an old girl friend from years back, we met several times for walks and just talked. So when I went to visit my son and his family he served me with the TRO. Moffa, now 76, had been married 52 years, and . the first time they ever met face to face was at the airport.love at first sight in her words.the way I found out, I was on my way to work and got a text message. I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. Good luck to you all..Ive learnt in the last month..love yourself, think positive and ask for help when you need. Never asked how I was, if I am okay, nothing. She really screwed you. A homeowner was coming over to car to see if everything was okay and my son grabbed bottle and stuffed it between the seat she was out of it and managed to get back to the house where my son wanted to go home. In time of need his true colors blossom. Im SO GLAD I am off that (not so) Merry go round come roller coaster rides through dark depressive rides in and out of sadness. Wow. Just focus on those kids and how you can better yourself for them and you. I am so sorry you are going true this, I am feeling your pain. It was truly a mistake. It was rephrased that I abandoned the family and since I made good money now I was responsible for paying the x with her new man $2,000/mo. Theres no right or wrong way to grieve a relationship, but there are ways you can help yourself and find closure. Most of these illnesses stem from abandonment rejection abuse maybe we should go back to asylums. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. Keeping that balance would lessen the likelihood of the above 5 reasons, or other reasons like it being too much work, from occurring . I cried for you. Im shutting down. During that 30 days, I started thinking that I didnt want to be with someone that would treat me and his family this way, so I distanced myself. I am blessed to have a wonderful circle of friends and family to support me .. My wife of 10 years went on a weekend trip with our daughter. We went from 4 to 2 overnight in the household. He worked days. Girlfriend, wife, gay, witness protection program, priesthood, something. All of a sudden we move and after 32 years of marriage, recently he left with a girl who is my youngest daughters age her late 20s. My name is Jon,and a few weeks ago when my wife and i were celebrating our birthdays in Chicago,she told me that she was leaving me and moving to California to live with some guy she met on the internet.My wife sufers from Fibromyalgia,depression. No point of taking her back at all cuz if u do she will do it again. Im rattling round the house all alone, crying and pleading all nigt for my wife to come home, I love her so much, She never told me what I was doing wrong. I am the one who needs help, not him. Respond to me let me know how youre doing :). As I realized in conversation with the neurologist I saw, often, when you are in protracted pain for a long time, your neurological system goes on automatic; its as if theres a signal for pain that gets stuck on ON!. Im so sorry, this broke my heart. The right man will respect what you have been through, he will be patient and kind and above most understanding. My husband left me after going into a two-week-long depression where he wouldn't tell me what was going on. How he just had a change of heart with no care in the world. This wasnt the fist time I had wanted to leave, but thankfully this time I felt more convinced that this relationship was not going anywhere. About three months ago he had been out in the garage for a particularly long time (this is were he smokes). She manipulated the men that followed her to gas station. Guest blog from 'Paul' - a man whose marriage ended because of his wife's menopause. He would attempt to hide his porn addiction by holing up in the loft in our garage when I was not home. My Dad is strong, and my Mother is even stronger. It felt like we never stopped loving each other, she just needed some space and I never wanted to let her go. He ask me to hire someone to put his things in storage. It feels a bit embarrassing to except the money that she wants me to have, but at this time with my current situation, I need it. Needless to say, I reminded him of the timing he set up and we did not get married. He said there was no one else and now he is back in his country parading around with someone else whom I have heard he plans to marry. It can be rough to feel as if you are on your own. Life was great than soon after he started being very mean to me yelling at me calling me names hanging up on me and than not evan coming home for days at a time. When your partner is depressed it may be very difficult to get clarity on this. But things with him have never been logical. Remember you have to guard your heart and say off the spiders web or else youll be a victim again. Travelling back and forth abroad to see her. I asked my wife to meet me when she got off work which was later and later than years ago. We are now 10 months after the filing and he has left again, stating he is trying to get his head straight. Youre an excellent father and she should be happy to have you. Being a husband and a dad every day. We started dating at 17 and married at 25.