Now he has found a lady friend, a very nice woman his age and of the catholic faith like him. Without warning years later she sneakily bought her own house. His wife's. The one who lives in another state rarely calls Ellen and apparently she doesnt call him much either. Whitney gave me back a piece of him that would have otherwise faded. My point is- as we are accepting his new friend- we are not ready to meet her, or allow her to be a part of our family. Please Open the Door and the path to a renew relationship, to a new future together as a family. I realized I will provide the 50+ year-old male perspective. Her house sold and then all of a sudden she is living in my parents house. I wouldnt have even known, except I checked on the plan today to find it all for me to see.. She is also apparently data-greedy.and has used almost 2 gb of our shared 6 gb data in 10 days what the heck is she streaming? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. He is pretty much alone now anyway. Now, he is practically living with her. I lost my mother to illness a year ago and my father started dating just 3 months after she passed. My brother accepted this woman with open arms immediately. She is not my family. Our widow and her melatonin at times both my heart issues. Now married with 2 daughters of my own the pain was relived when I saw as an adult how terrible it would have been for my girls to have suffered as I did.I cannot comprehend how they could be so insensitive to his daughters sufferings and especially me as a 13 year old living at home. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. That night was his last, as they all shut down, one by one. Im pretty sure she heard my Dad say something and misconstrued it. She spent a lot of time complaining about just about everything. But then again as tough as my father is, I know you wouldnt want to be alone. He focuses his energy on what is right in front of him and never really considers how he is affecting anyone else. Unfortunately I still care about my dad. Then she calls him back saying she just needs to hear his voice. He can live his, I can live mine. This is why is pains me to see my mother move on so soon 5 months later. But I will insist that we, the actual family whos home that is, will be treated as family members and not guests in her house. You lost someone too. She is helping us by taking care of him. It could be argued that not being forced to entertain this stranger on an important family holiday would make you feel better! It made me sick. We took it very hard, to say the least. What is wrong with you. If he is not in a healthy relationship with you, how can he be in a healthy relationship with the girls? I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. It went on for a bit. From reading the other posts, it appears the only answer it to wait for an unspecified length of time or wait and hope that the children will approve. Every time Id mention the topic to my mom, shed say you guys arent ready, you should wanna stay here and help me financially. To contribute to the house Id pay the 400 phone bill since my dad died, but ultimately saved to move out. They will be getting married September 10. I feel very unwelcome there in fact have been there about three times since they married last sept. the whole situation makes me sick. It sucks she has to work like a normal person but.. tough? She is also my age (53). Not sure how do children are 40 touching quotes. I had to finally be blunt with him, I told him he know I did not care for this women Marsha before he started dating her and just cause he is dating her all that she has done to me over the years is null and void. It has made my grandmas home a horrible memory now and I really dont know what to do cuz this just isnt right, thanks any suggestions appreciated. Still, I feel like the pressures of my fathers new family are drawing him rapidly away from us. I never in my life expected my father to choose a stranger over his own daughter because I wont have anything to do with her. I cannot fathom what causes grown adults to behave like children in a sweet shop when they lose their spouse. I can tell you these are things from which you cannot recover even if you are able to forgive. My mom passed away in October of 2010 after a six-month battle with lung cancer. They can not commit 100% to you. I cannot access my father without taking on the girlfriend as well. We both knew it was her fault-she was just so stoned when we met her. After reading your post I felt like we were kindred sisters! Within weeks, my father took up with a mutual friend of theirs. Dont ask me why as I could not tell you! Thank goodness for social media, it helps a little. I know, I stayed single so i never brought that step situation into the lives of my children. So, she has no concept of what it is like to be a grandmother and quite frankly I hope she never has any biological grandchildren as she doesnt deserve to be a grandmother. First Id like to say to Curious that I dont think there is a specific length of time that makes it ok to date after a spouse dies. Ironically, I spent the entire week with many of my wifes nephews and relatives in a camper and tents. I dont want to be old and alone. how to equip shoes in 2k22 myteam / bombas distribution center / moving in with mom after dad died. She'll get to talk about him with no worry of making them sad and it'll get lots off of her chest. I lost my mother in July 2008 after a very long illness. We became friends and built such a great friendship with her. To change without notice. I dont trust this girlfriendshe doesnt have a very good job and has a hard time making it financiallyso worried that he is being taken and in the process stomping all over my moms memory. He said this woman is the only light at the end of a dark tunnel. To make it worse my Dad moved 7 hours from all of us kids and we havent heard from him very often. I knew he was dating but he had never told me, id even met his girlfriend and he told me she was a friend. . Does she pay rent? We have tried talking to her about it and voiced our concerns. It has been 14 years full of ups and downs, and all of us kids have had a tumultuous relationship with my dad. Its so nice knowing that there are people out there going through the same thing, and that Im not alone. My sisters and I are not comfortable with this because it has become quite serious and it has also changed her personality. I could never look myself in the mirror and feel good about it as a woman, a mother or person. After the services concluded, I assumed that my role was to be a constant source of funa natural assumption for a 13-year-old. Dating after diagnosis and told me wash and telling everyone; contacting the zest for some things she's. I have cooked many meals for families grieving, and you would be surprised what good catharsis can come of it. He was kind of a hermit. The driver of the RV we took was a friend of my wifes and best friends with my wifes oldest sister. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. Ellen and my dad married in October of 2004 just a little over a year after my Mom passed away. No soon after I started to notice her trying to get physcially close to my father. I would say the best thing you could do is tell him very firmly that unless he changes his thought process and his ways with you and your siblings that you will have nothing else to do with him and if that is the way he wants it, then just end it there. And just like your FIL, my dad goes and spends incredible amounts of time with this woman, and my mom had to beg for any time she got from my dad. Been there.you just have to be there for her. He referred to her as my stepmother the other day, and her kids as my step siblings. When I asked if they were planning to marry I was told it was none of my business. I could never come into a situation with the full support of the grown kids. They analyze all of their failed relationships, reminisce, and learn about each other more deeply. We took a week to plan for the funeral, etc. I felt at one point I could not cope. Sorry for rambling on! I know that not all the persons that come into your families are there for a good reason. Before and after my mother passing from leukemia my father was dating and later married my mothers best friend from college. I wanted to punch her in the face because she followed up that statement with she loved my father and next thanks giving would be better. My mom died of cancer April 2013 and then this month, July 2014, my dad got a lady friend. I want to apologize and she declined at my apology. I know Im being selfish but I want to spend as much time with my dad as possible & I would like to think that he would want to spend it with me, my children, my sis and her children. If the woman visits, she does absolutely nothing. They never lived together the occational wknd away or at the cottage and she said she would never sleep in my mothers bed so if she came to spend the night, it was in the spare room. Out of my siblings, I was the only one physically involved in the day-to-day care of my mother, so their understanding is limited. This way if anything happened I would be able to be there. Obviously, I cannot advise you. I feel exactly as you have written. We dont have to be happy about this situation, and I dont have to have them over for dinner every week, but my Father-in-law can still be in our lives and I can be civil to this woman. Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on. Either your mom or your co workers or friends. explain to your friends you wont be going out as much because you want to be with your family but do not lose your friends because of this they worry for you as well! I have 4 kids (teens) who I am being very honest with but careful not to introduce anyone as a replacement for their mother no one will ever take that place. My sisters have been amazing as well. I do love my mother and it hurts me and my sister when she says she would rather have dads buddies or the neightbors come to help her instead of having us over. She would repeat herself, tell weird stories, slur her speach. No one has ever asked him to stop seeing this woman. I lost my husband last year. I attempted to counsel my dad on the timing and the possible reasons he wanted to pursue this intimate relationship and the reasons he should wait. LIke she was trying to eliminate signs of my mom in her own house like she was fixing my moms stuff because it wasnt tidy enough. My father is volatile and a bully and so guiltily I became relieved when she was about as he did not treat me so badly. I didnt want to but I thought Id try to be nice and meet her. he would be happy to be rid of the old family and embrace his new family but we, the old family, will not let that happen. It is just the innocent acceptance of a child (even as an adult) that the parents job is to love and protect his child is irrevocably shattered. I lost my mother unexpectedly over six years ago, when I was 17. All I can say is I am so glad that I came across this website. Really? Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. One week THIS was what she was going to do, the next week THAT. I explained to him that Ill miss him because I wont ever be able to make the trip due to my financial situation. Millions of my name to deal with her, my step father. I know! Growing up, I lived with both my parents and I would say we were a very close family. My father and I were always close, and now I feel sad, hurt, rejected, angry and guilty. But after the movie, we are able to move on because we harbor no feelings of guilt or regret. Like I really want to hear that crap!!!!!!! And, she had others she could turn to for conversations that didn't involve which track we should dance to. I thought this was ok since he was alone and needed someone to talk to so he wouldnt be out of his mind. Maybe you could try to get to know her and her children. When my dad died my mom was also at quite a loss. If he ever needs me Ill be there, but for now..I want him to be happy, however, I dont think he is. She was after my father for 40 years! He says that she is acting this way because she has been hurt by other men. What is hard for him is that his father wants him to accept this so soon- wants to bring her over to watch our kids and have dinner together. The fall out from J taking this woman as his partner were more disastrous than I ever could have imagined. He hit me with the bombshell today that they are now an item. I was born on Fathers Day, how can you forget completely. I received many lovely messagesbut a simple, heartfelt letter from my friend Whitney is the one that always stood out. How long were they together? My late mother bulit all her wealth for our family to enjoy not for my mom to give as charity to her current partner its so disrespectful, My mom passed away and told everyone she wanted to leave certain stuff to her grand kids but my greedy father sold it all did not tell his kids what should I do. Ironic that what motivated me to try to forgive was the fact I did not want him to be alone. Your money and time go to your new family. My dad broke up with this woman. But he just gave this woman a $2000 diamond ring and took her to see his sister (who just lost her husband about 6 weeks ago to a heart attack.). I want to also invite you to take some time for yourself. We donated most, but I took the time to go through every item, so I kept a few that I liked. People grieve in different ways, but we all experience the pain, the hurt, the sad images that will haunt us probably for the rest of our lives, (it will get better ) the isolation, the depression, guilt, loss of direction, the anger, and the acceptance of what happened and the hope that things will be better in the future. Your email address will not be published. I can tell you how it was for me as a child losing a Mum and within days and weeks feeling uncomfortable in my own home and as an adult with all the knowledge about sex drives and rights to a new life. It was two years before my mom really started to be like normal again and another year after that before she really started to seem like she was in charge of her own destiny again. You think your Dads behavior is bizare. Wow Andrea. My mom died in 2005 and my dad went on a date 3 weeks later. My dad died in 2006, and they had been together over 40 years. Funny I said to my husband recently that if someone had said to me that for the amount of money I may inherit I could have not gone through 35 years of trauma I would gladly have given up the cash. Sometimes she doesnt see him for 3 weeks at a time. Then I checked his texts on my moms phone and all evidence points to them being intimately involved. The worse she behaves and is allowed to behave by my father the more sorry he feels for her that she is disliked by so many from the shop assistants she abuses to both his and her families. I was polite to her and to my dad. Last year I suggested that he started dating. She said she was nice but why is she here. You could encourage it, but dont force it, it will only make your kid resent you. She never acts but with self interest and self preservation in mind so she did it for her and not for him. My parents were in a small plane crash 5 years ago, and mom died from her burns. Sad that it came to an end, but we will go on living and hope that he is happy from afar. My dads wife wont let us have 1 minute alone with him. I am trying to be open minded and accepting if this new lady, but at the same time I feel like my hearts being ripped out when I see him treat her the way he did my Mom. When he is sick, hell check in daily for advice(were health professionals) but otherwise, it seems an effort to check in . She has to work now. Through time she will heal, just help guide her there. I was so stunned, I didnt say much, just sat there and cried and told him I thought it was too soon. I cannot be grateful for a woman who has stepped in and commandeered control of my father and my family. However dont be mad at him for having a friend. So in my moms house, surrounded by her beautiful knick-knacks, is this woman with no job, no prospects (she seems a little brain damaged), and no sign of getting better. Every person mourns in different ways, intensity and time. All he talked about was this womans body and how she works out everyday and she is model material. These are all red flags for me. Ive accepted that its okay to miss my dad deeply, and to be sorrowful that I didn't have a better relationship with him earlier in life. Yes thats right 9hours could be more. The love of our lives died right in front of us, helpless, all our dreams to grow old together, and spend the golden years taking care of each other, see our grandchildren grow up, be with our best friend forever just vanished. done. The reality of all this is I cant let them watch the baby bc he is physically incapable and she is drugged up all the time. Even as if it. If he wants these things packed up, family should do it, not girlfriends. My parents were married for 39 years so I only knew them together. NTA your mom's "bUt fAmiLY" was just a manipulation to get her bills paid. And mind you im her only niece from my mom.She had a spots car she lost. WHAT?? I can love my life I had and respect that I need companionship and passion in my new life. Web6.5K views, 109 likes, 83 loves, 0 comments, 3 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from ANIMI: 250 Just four months ago I watched as my 28 year old sister cried because my Dad wanted to spend time with his girlfriend instead of her. She was diagnosed in 1999 and suffered through 4 years of chemo treatments and finally succumbed to the disease. He claims he wants to do what he wants before he dies. However, my moms health took a turn for the worse. I cant understand why there is so much resistance and push-back from the AC when the WBF really just wants to move forward in his life to find happiness with a companion. Me and my sibling have tried to talk to him, but to no avail, its all about him!!! He lives alone and works in a very good job. And remind yourself of the ways that her connection with him was different than yours. It was a shock!! 5 Jun. She was sick for 17 months. The very knowledge that my dad has moved on is like losing my mother all over again on a daily basis. Its lime he has not only moved on, but he no longer wants anything to do with anything that had to do with his marriage to my mom, including us kids. How common. We had a good relationship with each other. Within a few weeks after losing my Mom, my father started talking with women online for friendship and companionship. My dad has changed with the way he is with me too. there is a minor child living with them, my grandchild. Im sorry but she is not my mother and never will be. WebI (23F) & my husband (24M) lived with my mom (48F) during Covid. I sent a letter apologizing for my part in the argument and for hurting her feelings in the past, and Ive tried calling just to talk. Anyways any advise??? I dont really care hows she feels and I feel like I have every right to talk about my mother whenever I feel like it, in front of her or not. After a year of my distancing myself and my family ,due to awkward and mean conversations with him, he called me one evening yelling swearing and finally telling me I was never to be in contact we him ever again, then hanging up on me! From being a very close knit family to being estranged is quite something. So I concentrate on making myself and my son happy for right now. I resent this woman very much & truly dont want her in my life but at the same time, I feel she gives him a reason to keep living. I have not felt more alive than when I stepped outside of mycomfort zone to do things I wouldn't have normally done. Next time I will let him get written up, its his responsibility to take care of this house. ), and leaving pills everywhere-not in bottles but on countertops-Xanex, Valium, pain killers, appetite suppressants even though she told me she never takes any meds. Im pretty sure she felt offended, but she was trying to smother me with affection that was not reciprocated and I felt might not be genuine but just something to make her look good in front of my Dad. Mothers Day is this Sunday, I have told my Dad that I wont be around. I find it completely disrespectful and so demeaning to my moms memory. Weakness is not an excuse and happiness is not always about ones self. Life is raw, real and will make you feel every emotion and that is okay. I want to be there for her and help her feel better, but I don't think pitying herself is what's best for her, and it seems like she is just stuck in this miserable pit that she doesn't seem to have a way to get out of. Read a book, watch a movie, a ballgame, get online, visit a friend or family member. She lives about 20 minutes away and unlike my father, still drives. Then in July, he went camping with her and her family. My parents were married 60 years. They have withdrawn from their father and treat him like if he wasnt related to them, do not answer his calls, messages or emails. Missing dad will never go away but finally that's no longer the dominant thing running through her head. I lived there from 2005 to around 2011. Let me preface that by stating Im an only child and he is really the only family I have, outside of my husabnd and kids. What a way to find out that your dads married and shares a joint bank account with a stranger! For the price of a large house in the U.S you could get a tiny place over in the U.K You just get more bang for your buck in America. I have 1 older brother who has taken everything from my dad (which has tried to be hidden) so since she likes him he is 120% on her side. Let go. Not only that the new person should be respectful of the loss, not try to impede and Reggie their way into the home, or any of the personal belongings of the parent that has passed, nor should they create such disgust in any of the children. Our 5 kids (ages 20, 21, 22, 23 and 25) have embraced this new life of ours with open arms. I started dating her. What killed me was that THEY HELD HANDS AT THE FREAKING TABLE WHILE WE WERE EATING. 11 days after her diagnosis, she passed away peacefully in her sleep. Spoiler alert: studies show that he found out that this new york. Its safe to say she wouldnt spit on someone if they were on fire! Its one thing to have pictures of strangers in bikinis in a garage, but a person you are trying to have a motherly relationship with?!? She also tried to tell me that her and my mom were friends yet I know my mom did not care for her, and if thats a friend who needs enemies. If my husband were to do the same, the thought of it makes me very sad. Her and I were so close. He just doesnt understand how upsetting his fast moving relationship is. One thing is for sure, just as our parents could never select our friends or mates in life we neither can select theirs. I just wish I had read all these stories so I wouldnt have felt so alone! Throughout life, you will be pushed to your limits, and each time, it will feel like it cant possibly get any worse, butmore often than not, it will. We offered to meet as a family. But you get the gist of it all. I guess I have it wrong Anna, I thought its was about what made my mom happy. Hi, so glad I found this siteIm a grown adult or like to think Iam!! Oh no she wouldnt like to do it she doesnt like waiting around in hosptitals., He can barely walk from one end of the kitchen to the other but then we find out he goes out shopping with her and manages to walk about fine. Her children came with the package he is trying to have a relationship with her & she is bringing her kids along. Im grown, so his actions should be of no concern to me! Bro has not been very supportive of me, so our relationship has suffered quite a bit. So basically I cant talk to him at all except shallow, general chit chat type of conversation. One of the difficult things that I felt most accutely was that people think they are being helpful when they self-righteously preach at you and state that surely you would not want the parent to be alone. Whatever it may be, it is important to remember that there is a purpose for each person who enters and exits your life. Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. After reading some of your posts, maybe I should just let him go on with his life and let him go.or pretend I will get on with the program and be polite when I meet her and leave it at that. Their union spanned 30 years and they have an adult child. And though Im not a psychiatrist or counselorand while mourning takes on different forms for everyoneI wanted to share what brought me comfort. Which of course makes you feel awful.This continued throughout their relationship. August 31, 2013 at 11:59 pm. Its disrespectful and rude. And they got married one year after my mother passed away. Then, they got married, and DIDNT INVITE US TO THE WEDDING! I dream about and think about it constantly and it was very traumatizing to me. I have never spoken to her or met her. She was so quiet and boring, nothing like my mom at all. Who do they call when something tears up? My dad knows Im not for him being with anyone else in more than a platonic way. I still live in my fathers home with my husband and fur babies. My mum told me today that a friend she made not long after he Needless to say, hes been talking exclusively with one woman who is from the UK and is about six years older than I am. In my case so far all my teenage and adult life. We do not want to lose our relationship with our dad completely, and we know it would upset him not to have us in his life at all, but there is no give and take, not compromise, no willingness to try to accept our feelings. Please do not throw daggers, but I was the girlfriend of a widower whose wife died 3 years ago of cancer. It has completely altered my Dads relationship with is children. My mom passed a few months ago on March 23, 2016. As a woman and a wife and mom myself, I feel very sad when I think how quickly my dad replaced my mom and professed his undying love for this new woman so quickly. Studies show that losing a parent can lead to increased risks for long-term issues such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. They found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that she was near the end. Well, I walked into the church and she was standing there, waiting to begin the procession. What can I say to her or how can I help her understand that life will still go on without my dad, especially when I am dealing with his loss as well? This is a tough time, since you are grieving and also trying to help someone else who is grieving. She also lost her husband same year as my mom. WebBy sharing your grief bursts with your parent, it can help him or her not feel so alone. My parents were married for 26 years. My dad is furious that his brother isnt warm and loving towards his wife, and has been demanding that my sister have nothing to do with him or his wife and said he would have nothing to do with us if we stay in contact with them via threatening emails, and phone calls. Now, Im no expert on how to handle death. Thanks again for sharing it is nice to know I am not alone. #fyp #viral #chiaraactress Claims that i do everything to aggravate her. Its at once comforting to find other people who relate, and daunting to imagine that these feelings might not fade with time and age. WebWhen my Father died, I used to go to my mom's for dinner every week, she would always say she could eat when someone was there.