6. A: Both end with a loud, annoying sound and a Q: What book do women like the most? I lava you. Will you marry me? 8. My stomach was churning for a while, but now Im finally feeling butter. I got a girlfriend today! My last girlfriend left me for being unnecessarily mysterious Hey doc, I have a crutch on you. 07/03/2022 . I said, "America. Which is a shame because he is very attractive. "In your daughter" is the wrong answer. They care if you have wine. The thief was spending less then his girlfriend. I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didnt show. I lost Interest in that relationship. What is the difference between arguing with your girlfriend and arguing with a knife? She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?". Well she's in for a shock. If only gravity would just go away and let us float to space! The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in. least one way to shut their girlfriends up. My girlfriend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number. My girlfriend is so smart! Q: Why did God give men penises? I wanted her to be prepared for the Wurst. My girlfriend doesn't care. That's one way of making sure I'll never forget. Whos there? It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! Muffin. Because he's a keeper. washing machine? Pick (dirty mind joke) 21. EDIT: I know this is a repost but what do you expect? Sitting beside my girlfriend I said, "I love you." Knock, knock. Honeydew you know how much I love you? You are always pretending to be a Transformer!. Marriage, on the other hand, is the eye opener. Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN. Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side. Q: How do you turn your girlfriend into an elephant? Get well soon. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. And the only available cure for this sickness is marriage. A: Vel-crows. Knock, knock. I love you today more than I did yesterday. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. Honeydew. Ideas for the top 49 girlfriend jokes come from the following sources. I guess she just went to the grocery store. A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. Canoe give me a big kiss? They are way better than boyfriends. 24. Best Funny Jokes To Tell Your Girlfriend A husband and wife are drinking wine at home. My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of kill it. 3) OK, the first shirt again. Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be "more intelligent" than those who do not!!. Can I just have yours? She isn't sick, I just think she can get better. He replies, I forgot my wallet.. Lets commit the perfect crime together. It breaks my heart to see you sick. An archaeologist is definitely the best husband a woman could ever have. Are you interested in a little row-mance? Funny how different sisters can be. But your presence is sure proving him wrong!. You can do it. I love you berry much." 2 "What did the magnet say to the fridge? But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity. I'd say God Bless you, but it looks like he already did. Cynthia. I told her not to get her hopes up. Because they drive you crazy! What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?. A: So your A: A getting her an identical one. It's true! I wish I could post this on any other thread. My friend's girlfriend is 6 months pregnant, they asked if I wanna put my hand on the baby. Her: "I just need time." But then i saw her face. Gosh, we are so alike!. I wish I could post this in another subreddit. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine. Her: Its not working out between us. 49. 2. in the microwave have in common? 42. We have now kissed and hopefully well start dating!". Whos there? Knock, knock. I want to split up." I'm your dietitian". What did one volcano say to the other volcano? 36. "My dearest Elizabeth was swooned by my whimsical use of this marvelous article.". My girlfriend came to me with a balloon that said will you marry me? Get well soon! I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation. Im addicted to Yes, and Im allergic to No. Oh, so youre sick! came the reply. Knock, knock. Two antennas decided to get married, the ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was great! My girlfriend and I broke up today I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. 2. Yeah, I understand." Can you fix my cell phone? Boyfriend: BAM! He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3" What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? But for the life of me, I don't know how to tell her. know, Shes 7. first reaction was Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now its gonna taste Keith me, my love! You have BEAUTY all over your face!. Him: I'm coming over. He wipes his butt. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. Why should you never date a tennis player? 47. By using our site, you agree to our. When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday. I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt. Whether youre chatting in person or via text, jokes are a great way to make her smile, impress her, and get her in the mood. Whos there? 35. ^^^This ^^^isn't ^^^a ^^^joke, ^^^I'm ^^^actually ^^^broken ^^^inside. A couple are on a date at a fancy restaurant. Q: What is the difference between a Girlfriend and a Oh wait, she's back. Pauline. I think we should split up.". really ruined our 10th anniversary. Because love means nothing to them! Whos there? Okay, go!. Norma Lee. How about doing some community work by sparing some space for the needy? But things went awry from the start when I said: "Hello! Apparently it's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me The Love Machine Q: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Knock, knock. "No it doesn't," I said. Q: What do you call the daughter of a hamburger? Funniest Girlfriend Jokes My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. Iguana, who? So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France. What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken My name is Microsoft. 34. My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, How can I stop my addiction? I thought me and my girlfriend had something. because Im terrible at tennis. 37+ Brutal Dark Jokes for The Most Twisted & Morbid Minds Dark jokes usually center around controversial topics. girlfriend to show him how to work it. Apparently they meant from the outside. The wife says, "I love you." The husband asks if that is her or the wine talking. I said "No, wait! Why do cops hate sick birds? I just fell over and injured myself when I saw you! You should know that no one understood it was an April Fools' joke. I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream. A: And that is because you really ticked me off yesterday. So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now shes sangria then ever, If your girlfriend's dad ever angrily asks "where do you get off" I just scraped my knee falling for you.. My boyfriend and I met on the internet. What do you call a bear with no teeth? I just saw two zombies on a date. Jokes on them, they're imaginary too. I want you inside me. I hate women who lie over the smallest things. Why do painters always fall for their models? 12. Anita kiss from you. My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen, and my girlfriend is pregnant. Olive, who? Leena. You must be Beautiful!. An older husband and wife were sitting together at home when a fairy appeared before them and offered to grant each of them a wish. So he communicates with me a lot and I always make the effort to pretend to listen. The husband said that he was always jealous of the older men with much younger and prettier wives and he wished for a wife who was 20 years younger than him. From classic dad jokes to flirtatious puns and dirty innuendos, theres a joke out there for everyone. Boyfriend: Wanna see a magic trick? Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world. He asked me to help him. "Awww, really?" Whos there? A: Because shes a bitch & she will find you. My girlfriend of 3 years has never told me a joke. A second good shirt. My girlfriend broke up with me. My full name is Marvelous. She was lack toes intolerant. Sad news. From the day you are born, it works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, right up until you fall in love. Because they love them with all of their art. Knock, knock. It was really informative. I told her she was It's because they have little antibodies. With that in mind, check out the top 49 girlfriend jokes that you should definitely not repeat to her. A:. He says, Daughter, are you here? My girlfriends parents are very religious Loyalty is very important for my wife Girl, you are so delightful, cheerful, and bright, you can make Batman rent an apartment and abandon his cave!, Theres something wrong with my bed. Want to make your girlfriend laugh? Canoe, who? I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. 17. He wipes his ass. But today is opposite day so it's all good, My girlfriend told me she's sick of me pretending to be a detective. Do you know why boyfriends are like cars? I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend. Abby, who? Remember that I am always by your side. I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out. What did the leper say to the sex worker? After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. I have to say I'm surprised. Spray Foam Equipment and Chemicals. I lost my phone number. The woman was hungry for love and had no idea where her next male was coming from. You don't need keys to drive me crazy. I thanked her for her 1.56 cents. Whos there? Is that how many men youve slept with?, I asked. You wont get better anywhere else! How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? 1. Q: Why is life like a penis? A friend of mine was worried sick after he had lost his guitar. Funny Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend 1 "What did one raspberry say to the other? My Ex-Girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends that I was terrible in bed. Do you know how to tell if your girlfriend is getting fat? Elf Jokes - Printable cards are perfect if you have an elf on the shelf - they are funny even if you don't) St Patrick's Day Jokes. 44. 3. My girlfriend admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? A: So theyd have at Marry Her! Whos there? Some people I love to be around, while some of them are people who I would rather avoid. She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?". Iguana. 45. eight-year-old!. 14. Q: Why didnt the man report his stolen credit card? Knock, knock. Keith. Women can fake an orgasm, while men can fake a whole relationship. Knock, knock. What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party. Easter Jokes. I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt. Wants to be a web developer. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. On a scale of 1 to 10, you are the only 1 for me. You may get sick for a few days but my love for you lasts forever. You just take my breath away. My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something. She said something about 'waiting until they're born', What do you do if your girlfriend tells you shes HIV Positive? My girlfriend said you act like a detective too much. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine. If you get sick at the airport, it could be a terminal illness. My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having Yes, it is February 14th. She replies, Its me talking to the wine.. I thought it was love at first sight! To which the woman replied, but the second and third ones changed my mind.. Norma Lee, who? I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show. Im American, and Im sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.. My girlfriends dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by